Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
