Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
