i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
