thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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