you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
