TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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