How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
