I showed him my bush... on skype.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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