When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
