All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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