My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
