cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
