He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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