I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
