U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
