i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
