meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
