I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
