my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so let's talk penis.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
