Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
