I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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