I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
