my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
