Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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