if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
