it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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