Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
