I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
