And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
