so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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