I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
