we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
