He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
