sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dick very happy bro
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
