I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
