i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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