so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
