Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
