I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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