it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
