Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
