Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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