does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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