Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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