i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
