Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All the doctor said was why
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize