in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
