I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You need Xanax blowdarts
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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