My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
