I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You're like the curious george of whores
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize