I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
