So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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