I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
