well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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