just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
