I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
