The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
