a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
