the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
