It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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