I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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