Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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