hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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