CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
