It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
