Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
