Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
