you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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