i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
